Body:
- Make a conclusion that wraps everything together.
- Find quotes in Alexander that helps support my questions.
- Look through Rising Cairn and find some narratives that go along with my questions and what I’m trying to talk about.
- For the quotes that i do have, try and use “pivotal” words to try and explain the quote more in depth.
- Go more in depth with my own literacy narrative
Intro:
- Try to get right to the point instead of “beating around the bush”.
- Try and be more specific with my idea about sponsors and apprenticeship (give the reader more of an insight into what I’m going to be eventually arguing and comparing.)
- Maybe put quote in my intro to help the reader get a better idea of what I’m trying to say???
- What kind of role do sponsors and apprenticeship play in your acquisition of knowledge and literacy.
Local:
- Go through Alexander and Rising Cairn to see if anything relates to my questions or helps strengthen my argument.
- When i talk about Raymond and Dora, try and go “beyond the gist” and not just tell the story of what happened but explain in my words and this connects back to my original questions.
- “You could connect this with Alexander’s idea’s of what teacher’s are looking for and what student’s think teachers are looking for and how that would influence their literacy.” (Comment from Liliana)
Summary:
The comments I received talked a lot of trying to incorporate Alexander into my paper to try and strengthen it by having more sources tie into my initial questions. Rising Cairn was talked a lot about in my comments as well. I did talk a little about my own literacy narrative so maybe i need to either expand on my own, or try and find other narratives that help support my claims to help the reader essentially understand what I am arguing. The comments i received talked about my intro and how i need to go more in depth with explaining what I’m going to be talking about. I have a good first question, but i need to explain it more so that the reader understands what he/she is going to end up reading about. I need to try and use more pivotal words that helps me explain and contrast the quotes that i am using. I have good quotes that help my paper, but i need to do a better job of explaining and “going beyond the gist”. I have a paragraph where i talk about Raymond and Dora, but i really only tell the story as Brandt told it. I need revise this paragraph and make it tie into my questions instead of just explaining what Brandt is talking about. I think the Raymond/Dora story is relevant to my paper, i just need to find a way to explain it better by going more in depth about the story and talk about the meaning and the overall outcome of what happened to these two people, instead of basically going word for word what Brandt said.
